did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
