i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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