Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
