Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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