There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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