Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
