I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
