yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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