Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
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Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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