Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
