Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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