In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
