ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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