i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
