quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
