Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
