Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
