It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
