I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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