i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
