I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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