why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
