Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
