Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
