The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
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Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
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I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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