so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
