my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
why is half of my head shaved?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
