After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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