we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
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