sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
