On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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