Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
