Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
