Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
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I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
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I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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