If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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