we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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