How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
