my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
