Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
