Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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