i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
