Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
