took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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