I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
my poor anus
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
