id be glad to
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
