Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
