Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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