I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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