We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
