Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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