They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
sarcasm needs its own font
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize