He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
