Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
