So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
