Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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