Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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