Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
