careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
