dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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