when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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