Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize